How To Keep Your Calm When Under Attack

I’ve been researching a lot of Steve Jobs recently. Not the myth. I’ve been watching a lot of his youtube videos, reading a lot of his work. He was a remarkable man in ways that extend so far beyond his mythos.

One of the things I admire most about him was his ability to keep his calm when under attack.

This is something that happens to us as Project Managers. People object with our perceived interference; people object with our perceived need to tick a box over add value; people object. And we have to respond.

“Do you realise how busy I am? You asking this question is the 15th interruption I’ve had today and it’s not adding any value. In fact, you’re making it harder for me to get the thing done that you’ve asked me to do.”

How we respond can create a friend or an enemy. How we respond can have dramatic repercussions for the projects we are leading.

So how do you keep your calm when under attack? How did Steve Jobs do it? He used this 5-step process.

Have a growth mindset

Everybody who has something critical to say, has some value to give to you.

Whilst you may not agree with their attack, with their point of view - from their context, their point of view is valid. If you approach the conversation with a growth mindset, with a belief that their experience of you is not the experience you wanted to give, but it is valid from their position and with their context, you go into the exchange with a willingness to learn and grow.

This single act, of changing your mindset to be one of “what can I learn from this exchange”, will help you stay calm under attack and get more value from the exchange.

It can take a moment or two to get into this mindset. It is OK to pause and consciously remind yourself to get into this mindset.

Accept their truth

It is important to, verbally, confirm that you accept their point of view. This diminishes the attack. No one attacks someone who agrees with them.

“You are correct. I can see how this is another interruption in your day, how it looks like I’m ticking a box and how it’s hard to see the value this adds to the project. I can understand what you are saying and why this looks like a waste of time to you.”

You have to be in the growth mindset before you are able to accept their truth. In the moment of the attack, this is even harder to do. It takes practice and determination.

Explain your context and intent

Whilst their attack has value from their context, your intent has value from your context. You can accept their attack is valid given their context. It is now time to show that your intent is valid given your context. It is important to do this to demonstrate that you are purposeful in your actions and that your drive is to add value to the project.

You have to politely pull some of the power in this conversation back to you.

“I need to keep track of 200 moving parts in this project. All of them are moving as we speak. Some of those parts are moving into a bad place and the earlier I know that, the earlier I can influence some action that makes a positive difference. My “ticking the box”, is checking if your 1 of the 200 things I’m keeping an eye on, is going in the right direction or is in need of support.”

None of your explanation is an attack back. It’s a simple statement of your context and intent. People find it hard to argue and easy to accept a sensible intent.

Validate your expertise

If you can support your intent with a story from your experience, it adds weight. Stories are powerful and can show the value that can be brought by the actions you’re trying to deliver.

“I remember one of my first projects over 20 years ago, one of the teams was always silent. They never raised issues. I was junior and I assumed the silence meant everything was OK. I focused on the 199 other things instead. No news is good news. Except it wasn’t. The 1 thing that was silent went wrong and it delayed the whole project 6 months. I have a lot of experience running projects and I know the importance of interrogating everything in-flight, ideally with data not just opinion. I’ve learnt the hard way that this is important to do.”

You should not be apologetic about being a Project Manager. You are experienced, valuable and are adding value. You should demonstrate that if you can. If people can see that the task you are performing does add value, they are more likely to be supportive of your task.

Reaffirm your action

The scene is now set to move forward and re-frame your ask of your attacker. It can be useful to offer a compromise or an alternative and to lobby the attacker to support you in developing a solution.

Now that they know you understand their point of view; now that they understand your context and point of view; it’s time to move forward.

“I accept that to you I’m ticking a box and I’m annoying. I also accept to me that I’m looking for those subtle signals that are early warning signs of the project hitting problems. Let’s work out how we can do this so it’s less annoying to you, but still gives me the information that I need. What do you suggest?”

Co-opting the attacker into developing the solution will reap positive results.

When you see someone doing this, so calmly, so professionally, it blows your mind about their presence, their state of mind and their ability to be calm under pressure and get the team to move forward. Steve Jobs was that person. We can’t all be Steve Jobs, but we can learn and improve our ability to follow similar steps.

Every Project Manager should learn how to keep calm when under attack.